Hoping ...

It's been five months since I last posted on here. My excuse, which I shouldn't have, is that there has been so much, and yet nothing exciting enough, to post on here. Of course there is the usual stuff:
- AIESEC Australia January National Conference; the hardest part about being a friend and a leader
- actually having a functional LC, doing ... stuff
- AIESEC Victoria State Conference; so much work went into it, so much was learnt, apparently it raised the bar higher, it's great because it's over
- second year at uni .... apparently; new subjects, new challenges, new nerd tendencies, hopefully not going to fail anything .... no co-op otherwise
- my sister and her husband left for the US indefinitely
- Basham grandchild #8 & my niece was born
- finally got my P's
- longest relationship
- tonsillitis ... so much fun
- etc. etc. more excuses

I don't know if I'm letting my emotions come into play, even though some would be surprised to actually know that I have emotions. I don't want to put it this way, but it will only come to me like this:

time and time again, people let me down.

I like to think that I'm a people person, and hopefully I am. My worst moments (i.e. currently) only happen when I have no interaction with others. People are my energy, and if and when someone lets me down, it can affect me greatly.

My parents let me down when they forget my birthdays.
I let myself down with various uni marks.
Others let me down when a meeting is cancelled .... or pushed back .... continuiously.
I've let myself down learning about the past.

The last one is what affects me the most, as it has tonight. It opens up the boxed up questions, comparisions between selves, trust being tested, barriers returning and more.

I guess, the one time I actually feel compelled to post, is the one time which I shouldn't.

I guess there's still hope ....